1. Shelley Shares: A Message from Shelley
2. Making Life Easier Tips: Friendships – New & Old
3. Making Life Easier Services, Resources, and Products
4. Quotes of the Month
5. Questions for our Readers

1. Shelley Shares: Friendships – New & Old

People often ask me, “How did your illness affect your friendships? Did your friends desert you?” Sadly, I have to admit that I did lose some friends. And, it was hard to face the fact that people I once thought were my friends disappeared when multiple sclerosis (MS) entered my life. (I tried hard not to focus on why they left. It was too painful and sad for me.)

That was 24 years ago, and looking back I can say that the friends who “walked out” made room in my life for new people to walk in. My new friends are people who love and accept me, limitations and all.

But how do you meet new friends and expand your social life when you’re not feeling well. Where do you find the energy to seek out new people? I was cutting back on everything just to get the basics in my life taken care of. I didn’t have the energy it takes to establish new friendships.

So how did I establish new friendships and invite people into my life? Here are some of the techniques I’ve used over the years.

2. Making Life Easier Tips – Establishing New Friendships

Focus on your interests. Are there activities you enjoy, like reading, swimming, knitting, scrapbooking, woodworking, etc.? If there is, consider finding a book group, knitting circle, bridge club, swim club, etc. Doing something you enjoy, even if it’s just watching old I Love Lucy reruns, doing so puts your head in a different place and allows you to escape from the world of illness and disability.

Are you interested in developing a new skill? Take a class or lessons.

If making a weekly commitment is too much, join a group that meets once a month. Can’t take a class that lasts for months or has homework? Take a two hour (cooking, writing, computer, etc.) class. Not only will you get out of the house, but you’ll meet like-minded people and potential new friends.

Invite people over to your house. Whether it’s a regularly scheduled activity to play cards, watch a video/sporting event/favorite program or an occasional neighborhood get together, host the gathering at your home. Then you won’t have to be concerned about bad weather, transportation problems, or difficult to get to locations.

Ask participants to take turns being the host who brings the treat, sets it out, and cleans up afterward. (Can’t clean the house for guests? Straighten up the meeting room and the bathroom and close all the other doors.) Remember, you’re trying to establish new relationships not prove you’re a super housekeeper.

Reconnect with old friends, especially those you enjoyed at another time in your life. Use the Internet to locate childhood friends, college roommates, a special teacher, or former neighbor. Don't have a computer or know how to use the Internet? Visit the library and ask the librarian to show you how to "surf the Internet" on one of the library's computers.

Ask your friends to come over and bring a friend, especially if that friend has an interest or talent that you’d like to develop. Learn how to bead necklaces, decorate cakes, quilt, make greeting cards, do desktop publishing, etc. Most people enjoy showing others their hobbies and helping them get started. (Think how good you would feel, if you were asked to teach someone about something you enjoy.)

3. Services, Resources and Products for Making Life Easier

Elite™ Seat Cane
Use a Elite™ Seat Cane when walking distances is involved. The device is a cane that, when opened, has three legs and provides a little seat to sit on. The device is made of aluminum, has an unbreakable nylon seat, weighs less than two lbs., height 18" seat to ground, walking height 33.5", non-slip rubber tips, left or right hand use. (http://www.medrhino.com/; 866/867-4466 (toll free) Cost $35).

Playing Card Holder
Take a shoebox, remove the top, and put the bottom of the box inside the cover. Put the playing cards in the space between the cover and the side of the shoebox. If you don't have an empty shoebox, use a box of waxed paper or aluminum foil. Close the box and insert the cards in the narrow opening. If necessary, put silverware inside the box to keep it from moving as you play. You might also want to put masking tape over the serrated cutting edge to keep from cutting yourself.

Playing Cards
Elite Low Vision Cards
These cards are 2½" x1¾" big and have bold ¾" numbers for easy reading. Cost: $4.95
Gigantic Playing Cards
Each card measures 5" x 7" and the numbers and suits are huge. Cost: $5 Both products are available from Ann Morris Enterprises, Inc., (800-454-3175; http://www.annmorris.com)

Books we recommend
Girlfriends (ISBN 1-885171-08-0) by Carmen Renee Berry & Tamara Traeder. The authors shares stories about old friends and new and how these invaluable relationships inspire, enlighten, and enrich our lives.

I Know Just What You Mean: The Power of Friendship in Women’s Lives (ISBN 0-684-84287-4) by Ellen Goodman and Patricia O’Brien. Two women write of their deeply personal and enduring 25 year friendship. It’s a unique mix of stories, insights and humor.

4. Quotes of the Month

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
             Eleanor Roosevelt

Friends in your life are like pillars on your porch. Sometimes they’re there to hold you up. Sometimes they’re there for you to lean on. And, sometimes it's just enough to know they're standing by.
             Unknown

We are not primarily put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.
             Peter DeVries

A friend is one who walks in when others walk out.
             Walter Winchell

5. Questions of the Month

Each month we will pose 3 questions that come from you, our readers. We will take your responses and share them in an upcoming issue of the Meeting Life's Challenges E-zine. To send a question that you'd like us to pose to our subscribers, send an E-mail to questions@sps.mailshell.com.

1. Have people you care about said hurtful things to you? How have you been able to get past the hurt?
2. How do you explain your illness/disability when it’s invisible, (like migraines, back problems, vertigo)?
3. When you were first diagnosed, how did you tell your family and friends about your illness?